I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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