So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
