why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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