but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
