I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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