God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
