mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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