Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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