I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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