we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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