They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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