Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
