i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
