i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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