She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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