I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
