i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
