my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
