i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
