we made out on top of his cat.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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