i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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