Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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