Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
