her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
