You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize