I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
