Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
did i walk over a car last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
