You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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