I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
