you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
