Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
