I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
