I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
