Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
