Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
