She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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