angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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