Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
