I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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