i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
