five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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