WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
