Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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