This is not my ceiling
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
