Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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