I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just cut my nipple shaving
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
