So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
