they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
