his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
