You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
