we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
