I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
