She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
