I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he was CRYING into my vagina
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
