Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
