he told me I talked like a deaf person
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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