I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
