How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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