i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
