you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
