69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
