I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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