Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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