ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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