he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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