Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
