More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
