I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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