ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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