Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
