I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
