he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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