You smell like stripper and shame
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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