hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
