It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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