it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize