I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
