There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
wow bdsm is so cute
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize